Sunday, May 22, 2011

Durable fragility

     My appreciation for the fragility and durability of this physical body has deepened profoundly over these past weeks. Having not been a patient in any sort of house of healing for many years, since last Independence Day, I've been hospitalized six times for fairly serious health matters, undergone three surgeries and can anticipate three more. 
     I'll become Medicare eligible in about three months, so in the meantime, I want to continue to heal and recover as much strength and endurance as possible. I am witness to the body's remarkable capacity to endure --first the illness and its painful symptoms, then the application of remedies, and third the process of recovery.That is durability.
     At one frightening point in my recent confinement, it became painfully difficult to breathe. Fluid around the lungs had so inflamed them that inflation became painfully sharp. Panting through the episode as pharmaceutical compounds dripped into my arm, I felt the precious worth of every cubic inch of air. That is fragility.
    These antinomies seem to suddenly abound. The paradox and ko-an are everywhere I seem to put my attention. A book just came to my library by Lewis Thompson, Black Sun, and it is all antinomy and paradox. Jean Liedloff's Continuum Concept explodes premises with paradoxes. My body becomes a ko-an when the envelope that contains my heart is flooded and a-flame. 
     Today I feel good. So grateful to be here, to be alive. Enjoying very much this mysterious and magical moment.

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